Has Anything Even Remotely Like This ...

... Ever Happened In Your Walk?

I fell Sunday. I really stumbled in my walk with Christ. I saw and heard some things come out of me against someone that I dearly love that I hope and pray that I never will see again, in any circumstance, at any place, with any person.

The who, where, what, when or why doesn't really matter. What matters is that I saw Satan—in me, through my eyes and in my actions and in the eyes and reactions of one I love.

It was ugly, so ugly that I will not forget it. Reflecting on my mental images of it, it must be a little of what hell is like. It was gut-wrenchingly awful. Beauty and purity of two people who love each other, turned utterly foul and disgusting in hurt, anger and rage. It was not at all Christ-like. No. It was the antithesis of Christ.

How did it get so bad?

I'm still trying to figure that out. I tried to avoid it. I walked away from a confrontation. I cooled off before I might have popped and flown off-the-handle. I went for a long, solitary walk, and I prayed. I came back and turned to Scripture. I meditated and prayed about Ephesians 4:17-24, about the "new" man, and vv 25-31, about being angry, but not sinning; about not giving a place for the devil; about no corrupt word proceeding from your mouth, but only what is right for edification; about letting "all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor and evil speaking be put away from you... forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you." You know how it goes.

I recalled how Jesus referred to Sciptures when he was tempted by Satan. I thought that would help me.

Oh, how I prayed for counsel and guidance on how to handle the situation. I had been offended. Three times. Publicly. The last, loud enough and emotionally enough for the entire restaurant to notice.

Or, so I had thought. The final curse cut me deeply.

Over the next 3-4 hours, I thought that I was handling it fine, not saying a word. Just smiling. Not really me, but just being there. Polite. Courteous. Not very giving. Yet, not making a scene. Then, after 23 minutes of silence on the ride home, the lid blew off. Coolness abandoned me as I responded to more verbal attack. I was not about to take any more.

So, I reacted in kind. Did I ever! It was like I have never acted before. In anger. In hate. In rage. I was wronged and wasn't about to be made the whipping post. I was so loud and vociferous and angry that even I didn't know me. And, I actually felt justified!

Out of our mouths come overflows of our hearts; or at least, our hearts at the time. That, I thought, was what started the episode hours before. Why couldn't it have been left alone? Instead, it festered, it brewed, and emotions exploded. Things were said in anger, things that never should be thought, let alone uttered.

The words of Jesus have been reverberating in my brain: "For out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks. A good man out of the good treasure of his heart brings forth good things, and an evil man out of the evil treasure brings forth evil things."; and, "the things that come out of the mouth come from the heart, and these make a man 'unclean.' For out of the heart come evil thoughts ..." (Mt 12:35, 15:19)

Nothing good came from my mouth. Only rage and anger. After all, I was the one wronged and I was irritated and I was offended. Or, so I thought.

What does my reaction say about my heart? What does that say about me?

I tell you, I am disappointed. Deeply.

It was like I stepped on a landmine—a landmine placed by Satan, and it exploded on me and on all those around me.

And, do you know what I sense? I sense the prince of lies laughing, mocking and scoffing. "See, Jesus, he ain't changed. Not one bit. In fact, he's worse because now he thinks that he is righteous."

So, chalk one up for the big prick. He worked it. He worked us. He won. I failed. I dishonored my God, my Savior, my faith, my loved ones, a beloved one, myself. I am not proud of what I did. And thinking of pride, I wonder how much did pride have to do with the way that I acted. How could I let myself become so offended, and later, so enraged?

Where was I coming from?

Better yet, where should I have been coming from?

I was blindsided. I did not see this coming. Not at all. What's more, both of us have an insatiable love for Christ. It blindsided both of us, and neither want to see anything like this happen again. I feel that we were manipulated. I feel that it was a spirit-world battle in real time, real life.

And we lost. Oh God, how we lost!

Has anything like this ever happened to you?

The war, however, is not over. I've confessed and I'm asking for grace, strength and wisdom. See, I believe now that I might have been getting fairly haughty over my abiding in Christ. Maybe I do not abide in Christ as much or as deeply or
as firmly as I had thought.

We, no, I, need to know that I, no, we, are secure in the Lord only at those times when we remind ourselves of His presence in us and in the other person(s) around us. On Sunday, we became like two demons posessed. Unreal. Surreal.
A different zone, altogether. Or, how about this: like two people might act if they were existing together in a place called hell!

That's how awful it was.

When the two of us could gain wisdom and strength from this weakness, from this fall, then the tide of battle will turn.

This morning, I was lead to this:

Now to Him who is able to keep you from stumbling,
And to present you faultless
Before the presence of His glory with exceeding joy,

To God our Savior, Who alone is wise,
Be glory and majesty, Dominion and power,
Both now and forever. Amen. -- Jude 24-25

He is indeed able to keep us from falling. He alone can present us faultless, not by our will, but by His.

Has anything like this awful event ever happened in your walk?

In my life, I'd like to be able to see something like this coming the next time and to stand strong against it. If you can identify with that need, if you would be willing, I'd like to recommend studying Charles Stanley's "Landmines in the Path of the Believer". I believe that it would supplement our current study of "Respectable Sins" that is coming to a close.

From the cover jacket: "Satan doesn't usually hit us with an all-out frontal attack. It's the subtle landmines that do the most damage. They are hidden just below life's surface where they are the hardest to detect. At the slightest misstep, they explode beneath us tearing emotional holes in our lives and leaving us feeling as if we are separate from God and His eternal love. But this is never the case. While sin has consequences, God's restoration is ours the moment we turn to Him and seek forgiveness.

"In Landmines in the Path of The Believer, Dr. Charles Stanley addresses nine primary landmines that every Christian must identify and defuse in order to live a victorious life: Pride, Jealousy and Envy, Insecurity, Compromise, Unforgiveness, Disappointment, Fear, Immorality, Laziness.

"... Dr Stanley provides biblical principles for clearing the landmines out of your life. Once you do this, you will be able to experience a host of God's greatest blessings including peace, joy, contentment, and hope that never fades."

The book is 12 chapters long, and we could cover one chapter each week. I don't know that a study guide exists, but I could check it out; or, even create one.

I just want to be able to detect such subleties, know when they might be approaching, strengthen the weakness to withstand them, and defuse these things before they explode.

What say ye?

IBG / JF